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A different kind of Goodbye

Disclaimer- Any characters you recognise belong to MCA/Universal. Iím borrowing them temporarily, I promise to put them back where I found them when Iím done.

I wish Iíd told you while you were still alive. You were so important to me then, although I didnít know just how important. I thought there wasnít room for anything other than hatred in my life. The hatred, the darkness, the insanity. But you showed me there was more than that. You showed me my life could have purpose and direction. You meant so much, the things you did, the things you allowed me to do, the things you stopped me from doing; I remember all of them so clearly. Whether I was working with you or against you, you were always there. You were the one constant throughout everything and it was you more than anything that gave me the will to go on. Itís strange, sitting here next to your grave, wondering what to do with myself now. Wondering what a tomorrow without you will bring. What will I do? Where will I go? Who can I turn to when Iím frustrated? Or angry?

Frustration. I thought that was one thing I understood, that and the anger. But now I find new meaning in these feelings. Iím angry with you for leaving, I donít know that I can go on without you. Iíll try though. Sitting here writing this, I know that I have to try. You may have left me, but everything I felt for you is still with me. Everything you taught me is still with me. And I know that I canít give up yet. Itís strange to think I outlived you, you, my reason for living when everything else was gone. I always thought youíd stand over my grave one day.

I wonder, did I mean as much to you? Was I as much a part of your life? Did I occupy your thoughts? Could you have lived without me? I think I know. You had such a good life. There was a lot about you I respected. The way you helped others, not the weakness I first thought it to be. I was glad that you had that, that compassion, that spirit, that driving need to do good. If you hadnít have had that, I couldnít have had you.

But Iíll not shed a tear for you. Iíll see you again. You were all I had in life and I will see you again in death. Iíve held on to you for so long that I wonít let go now. I look forward to the day I see you again. I look forward to the eternity weíll spend together.

Good bye Xena. Iíll miss you.


The author is very interested in recieving feedback about her work, click the link to e-mail Bards Bodice